Seriously? We have to be told to encourage ourselves?
Well, yes. Because some of us, this writer included, do our very best to discourage ourselves. And if you’re like me, the sharpest tool you use for this self-sabotage is the comparison tool.
Yes, I know this post has a negative slant to it. Discouraging ourselves is a downer. That’s why we need to keep reminding ourselves to
Talk about a tall order. I know this because I’ve struggled with it my entire life. I know if I can stop paying such close attention to others’ possessions, status, money, reputation, etc., I’m more contented. But my competitive nature and our mass media make it pretty hard not to compare. Pay attention: anything which encourages comparison bears watching.
Think I’m overreacting?
Try this experiment.
The next time you’ve gussied up your house or apartment for guests, take time to wander through its rooms before they arrive. Look at each area as if you’ve never seen it before. Frame and shoot some nice shots with your phone. (You can always send them to Mom who – trust me – will be quite impressed with your thoughtfulness. (Check out this killing-two-birds-with-one-stone concept in the Making the Most of Your Time post.)
Seeing your digs through the camera lens may prompt you to think, Hmm. Cool. Very cool. Feels comfortable, but hip and very, very me. Savor the feel-good moment. Once your guests arrive, soak in their compliments about your cool digs.
Quick! As soon as possible (after the guests leave, of course!) go window shopping at the mall. Window shopping – no fair buying. Just wander around. Look through the home furnishings departments and stores. Stop in the prints and frames shop. Check out Home Depot on the way home – lighting fixtures, appliances, bathroom fixtures, flooring – the whole works.
Now, back at your place, take a good look around. Does it still make you feel good? What happened to cool, very cool, comfortable, hip? Does the couch look sadly out of date? Do your colors seem blah, compared to the new shades in the mall? Does your carpet seem shabby? Does it all feel sooo uncool? Maybe downright yucky?
Window shopping is, by nature, comparison. You’ve just compared what you have (which made you feel good just hours before) with the newest, brightest, glitziest that’s currently available. Of course your stuff comes up lacking! Try this experiment on anything you like – clothes, cars, electronics, whatever. It all comes out the same because the principle is the same. Regardless of the arena, comparison is the thief of contentment.
It gets worse…
because we compare more than material things. We compare careers, jobs, spouses, families, friends, hair, noses, ad infinitum.
We even compare our own behavior to our own behavior – and beat ourselves up in the process. Comparing what we know now to what we did then just creates a good deal of angst which serves no purpose. Hindsight is valuable for learning life’s lessons, but not for second-guessing how we should have acted in the past.
Convinced? I’ll bet so.
You’ve experienced this firsthand, haven’t you? And the question you’re asking is spot on. “How do I not compare?” I have two little tips to share. I could list a dozen, but would you remember them all? (I can’t even remember them all – at least – not when I need them.) Remembering two, however is very doable, so here you go.
DECIDE not to compare.
When you catch yourself comparing, DECIDE to stop it. DECIDE to use your strong will for something positive. DECIDE to encourage yourself by thinking on other things. DECIDE that every time you catch yourself using this razor-sharp, destructive tool of comparison that you will immediately start listing what’s right about your apartment, your job, your spouse, your car, your life, you.
that encourage comparison.
Malls and huge department stores come to mind. Place yourself in shopping arenas (the blingy ones AND the not-so-blingy ones) only when it’s time to do research or make a purchase based on previous research.
Be clear about the difference between shopping and recreation. Shopping is for making buying decisions and purchases. Recreation is for renewing your mind, body, and spirit. I’ve never felt renewed after a four-hour shopping jaunt in my local mall. Worn out, maybe. Frazzled, oh yes. Guilted over foolish purchases, for sure. But rejuvenated?? Never. How about you?
Well, that wraps up my feel-good contentment posts – for now. Plenty of people have written about this subject. Find their books and articles; read them. In the meantime, why not get a running start by implementing these two little tips?
Now, how about sharing some of your tried-and-true tricks for contented, feel-good, encouraging-yourself, encouraging-others living?
© 2014 Teresa Layne Bennett